


this is what stays the same as everything else is transformed

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Spengler Cup, Switzerland, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 07:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course John Tavares does a great job coping with getting bitten by a werewolf. Sam doesn’t handle it quite as well, but that doesn’t matter. The important thing is that they’re getting through this together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is what stays the same as everything else is transformed

**Author's Note:**

> This started as comment fic in an Anti Lockout Squee post, and wouldn't exist if Puckling hadn't done such an awesome job with those, putting together great pictures and getting people to talk about what we've been writing. I'm glad the lockout is over, but I'm going to miss them.
> 
> Betaed with incredible speed and proficiency by Stellarer. She knows things about commas.

John gets bitten in the middle of a hockey game, in Switzerland. Sometimes things happen that don’t make sense; this is one of those times. He feels teeth sink into the flesh over his ribs, where his pads have been pushed aside. The initial shock is followed by a rush of pain, which fades fast. The refs pull the other player off him. The game keeps moving, and he forgets about the bite for a little while.

Showering after the game, he discovers blood drying over unbroken skin. It doesn’t make sense. The blood could belong to the man who bit him, maybe he bit his lip. It looked like there was blood on his mouth when the officials hauled him off the ice. John can’t explain it properly, but none of it makes sense. People don’t just bite each other like this.

The incident leaves him unbalanced. It a challenge to describe what’s changed, but there is a subtle shift in perception. His vision seems sharper, and scents seem more complex. He doesn’t see how a bite could affect his senses, but nothing else has happened to him lately. He’s up to date on his tetanus shot, and it didn’t leave a mark.

It’s probably all in his head.

He doesn’t have much time to think about it. The league is looking into it, but he’s leaving to celebrate Christmas and play in the Spengler Cup. The holiday and hockey come in third and second to the best part of the break, getting to see Sam.

Seeing Sam makes the whole world clearer. Everything falls into place with Sam beside him. John doesn’t want there to be any space between them. He wants to keep Sam close because Sam is warm and smells familiar.

The world past the two of them may still seem slightly out of sync, but John doesn’t worry. In their self-contained sphere everything makes perfect sense.

They’ve always been good at reunions and this is no exception. 

It feels like he needs this more than he usually does. His senses are flooded with input, but it doesn’t feel overwhelming, it feels like he belongs.

Sam’s smaller than him, but he can hold John down because John allows him to do so, because it feels good to get pressed into the mattress while Sam’s teeth scrape across his neck.

John wants there to be a mark, showing that he belongs to someone.

They’ve always been good at reunions because they’re simply settling back into the places they’re supposed to be.

John falls asleep with Sam’s head on his shoulder, and even though they’re an ocean away from Canada it feels like home.

+

In the morning they present themselves to the medical establishment. The Spengler Cup _is_ an international competition, which means requisite pre-competition physical. He doesn’t mind the cold stethoscope or the dull movements that test his reflexes, but he could do without the blood test. They always take more than they can possibly need. If someone told him that the doctors in charged of screening for international competition are vampires he would hardly be surprised.

After getting away from the docs mostly unscathed he does his best to enjoy the rest of the day. Practice is good. They don’t have long to get used to playing with each other, but John isn’t worried, he can tell they’re going to be a good team.

The next day they want to talk to him about his results, which is weird—they don’t want to talk to Sam—but they say it isn’t anything serious, so he isn’t really worried. It wouldn’t be useful to start worrying until he’s certain that there’s something really wrong.

The doctor who talks to him isn’t the one from the day before, but some kind of specialist. She looks at him over her silver framed half glasses and says, “Mr. Tavares, werewolves _are_ allowed to participate in international competition, but only when properly declared. It's not the Cold War anymore, you don't have to hide it."

She doesn’t look like the type to joke around, but looks can be deceiving.

“Werewolves?”

“Yes, _werewolves._ There isn’t any reason to deny it now.”

“Werewolves are real?” He asks, trying to catch up or play along, hoping for an explanation.

“You didn’t know?” She seems surprised.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh my. You must be a new case. Tell me, have you been bitten at any point in the last month?”

There have been some pretty surreal moments in John’s life up to this point, but getting told he’s a werewolf by a European doctor who looks like somebody’s great aunt beats them all.

Hockey Canada files the proper paper work while he is left reading pamphlets called “Lycanthropy for Beginners,” and "You're a werewolf athlete, now what?"

They’re very helpful pamphlets. Very informative. This seems like something he can manage. It won’t be easy, but he can do it.

And that’s it, except for telling Sam.

Sam believes him right away, which makes John want to ask questions about the Oilers, but that can wait til later. Right now he has to stop his boyfriend from panicking.

“It isn’t a big deal,” John says. “I’m going to be fine.”

Sam stares at him incredulously, before practically shouting, "You're a werewolf! This is important. I’m allowed to panic! When's the full moon?"

"It's the 28th."

"That's in a couple of days. That's in the middle of the tournament!"

"So? They said I should be fine." It shouldn’t be a problem. John just doesn’t understand Sam way of thinking about the situation.

{Sam thinks they should actually deal with this instead of pretend that everything is normal. He thinks it's a _huge_ deal, and is kind of alarmed that John doesn't agree. He wonders if maybe not caring about being a changed into a werewolf is a side effect of getting changed into a werewolf. He would be a lot calmer about everything if John were freaking out at least a little bit. But whatever. He can let John pretend that getting turned into a werewolf is no big deal. Whatever.}

John doesn’t care about getting bitten by a werewolf. He still gets to play hockey, so everything will be fine.

John will see how his new condition affects his game soon enough, but before that, Christmas. They’ve never gotten to spend the holiday together before, and it’s really nice, even with the werewolf thing lurking in the future. For the moment they can get caught up in the spirit of the day. It's Christmas, and they're together, and they're going to play hockey together. This is absolutely the best part of the lockout. 

{The worst part of the lockout is John getting bitten by a werewolf. #lockoutproblem for sure).

Playing together is always fun. So far the extra senses haven’t made a difference. They’re winning too, leaving the first round at the top of their group. This is great because it guarantees that they don’t have a game on the 28th. John will have to find a way to handle playing through the full moon eventually, but he’s glad it can wait for at least a month.

The day before John goes to talk to the European doctors about what his choices are. It isn't really safe for him to run free, there are too many people around, especially considering how it's his first full moon. There’s a drug, or a “potion,” to use their word, that would knock him out, but that isn't a good long term solution. It would be better if he learns how to deal with this right away. They offer to watch over and help him, but he doesn't want to go through this under the eyes of a bunch of weird European medical professionals who prescribe “potions.” He isn't making the werewolf-thing a huge deal, but it is important. Transforming seems like an intimate act.

What would be best is if he could get someone to watch over him while he changes and helps him stay centered and calm.

There is definitely someone around who John would be comfortable being a part of this.

When he brings it up Sam is very skeptical. “You’re asking me to werewolf-sit?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it that, but...more or less,” John admits. “If I can’t find someone to stay with me the docs will put me under observation. It hasn't been a problem so far, I don't see why it will be now."

Sam’s expression makes it clear that he really thinks that John is way too calm.

John says, "This is important to me. It would mean a lot if you were there with me. I think that it would help."

Sam can't say no to that.

Now it’s just waiting and planning for the moon. He visits the doctors again. They give him some sleeping pills and a set of soft leather lined handcuffs that they happened to just have laying around. Maybe it makes sense if they’re dealing with werewolves on a regular basis, but he doesn’t want to ask any questions.

Taking a human dose of a sedative like the sleeping pill isn’t like taking the potion. It will calm him down a bit, hopefully, but it won’t interfere with the natural transition, and it won’t knock him unconscious.

The hotel room is nicer than usual. It doesn’t look like every other hotel room they stay in, it’s refined and European. The decor reminds him of how far away they are from home. The old-fashioned opulence wouldn’t seem out of place in a fairy tale, which fits as he’s about to change into a creature from a folk legend.

John is waiting for Sam to come and tie him up. He never imagined that this is how bondage would become an element of their relationship. He has his shirt off, but he left his pants on. It seems strange to get naked and wait for the moon.

He wonders if he looks as uncomfortable as he feels.

“I’m not letting you destroy your new pajamas,” Sam says. “Your mother mailed them all the way from Canada for Christmas. They’re not getting wrecked after less than a week because you’re being stupid about this.”

John blinks. “I’m about to turn into a werewolf and you’re worried about my pajama pants. Really?”

“You’re the one who says it isn’t a big deal. I’m following your lead. Now take off your pants, it isn’t anything I haven’t seen before.”

John sighs, but disrobes completely, and offers up his arms.

Sam cuffs his wrists together, pulling to test the chain that affixes the manacles to the bed. Assured that it’s secure, they settle in to wait.

Sam starts the night sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room.

John is cross legged on the bed. He feels exposed and vulnerable. In a moment the moon will rise and he will change.

“I’m not nearly as calm about all of this as I’ve been pretending.”

“Obviously.”

There isn’t time for him to say anything else; it’s beginning. He can feel his bones shift, his skin ripple. He wonders what it looks like. It hurts. His heart is beating loudly, blood rushing through his ears. He keeps his eyes closed and tries to take deep even breaths. It doesn’t really work. It hurts, and the way his body is twisting out of his control feels like a betrayal.

He needs to focus on anything else.

He can hear Sam’s heart beating. He shouldn’t be able to, they’re too far away for human hearing, but he isn’t all human anymore, especially not right now. He can hear Sam’s heart beating, fast but steady. He can hear Sam breathing. He can _smell_ Sam.

He smells like ice and sweat and playing outside after dark. It’s familiar. John can concentrate on Sam’s scent and heartbeat, leaving the rest behind.

This is far from an ideal situation, but the company couldn’t be better. There isn’t anyone whose heart he’d rather listen to.

He hears Sam’s clothes shift as he stands, followed by footsteps moving towards him, as Sam’s heartbeat speeds up.

“Are you ok?”

John shrugs. He feels out the changes in his teeth, running his tongue over the sharpened canines. He doesn’t know how well he can talk around them.

The footsteps stop, not close enough to touch, but not very far away. Sam’s scent is stronger now.

John doesn’t know what it is he’s inhaling. The doctors said he can smell emotions now, especially close to the moon, but so far it’s like listening to a language he doesn’t speak. He has associations, but no real definitions. Sam smells like the summer and overtime goals. That could mean anything. General anxiety, outright fear, or even arousal.

“This is pretty damn weird.”

John nods.

“It’s strange. Because you’re still you. You look like yourself, more or less, only...all wolfy.”

“What does that mean?” John asks, struggling to enunciate with his new fangs.

“I mean...You’re still you. Your teeth are pointier, and your everything is hairier, but you’re still you, which means you’re still mine.”

John likes this description.

“I thought that there would be more disconnect. I thought that with the transformation you would turn into a monster, but you’re not. You look like one, maybe, a little bit, but you’re still my boyfriend.”

There’s some power in hearing himself defined this way. It’s grounding. It makes John feel confidant about who he is. There isn’t any struggle with contrary impulses. He’s completely in control.

“You’re still my noble, goofy boyfriend.”

The doctors had said it would be a challenge to keep the wolf under control, but so far it isn’t. The moon is making him more of himself, not anything he should be afraid of.

Sam’s footsteps become even louder as he comes even closer. John could reach out and touch, but he doesn’t. His fingers have changed, elongated, his nails sharpened into claws, his wrists are bound together. Still, there is nothing stopping him from reaching out to touch Sam but his own will.

Maybe it won’t always be like this. If Sam wasn’t here with him, he doesn’t know if he would be able to show such restraint. There’s no way this can stay easy, it is something he’ll have to struggle with every twenty-eight days for the rest of his life.

But tonight is the first night. He had tried so hard to pretend he wasn’t terrified. Sam saw through his brave face. Now Sam’s here, and it’s making everything better. It’s the best that it could possibly be.

“No matter what, you’ll always be mine.”

John opens his eyes. Sam’s right there, looking down at him with big warm eyes that make John want to make promises about forever and sink his teeth into Sam’s skin. The second impulse seems wolfish, but John recognizes it from before. It isn’t new, it’s just been sharpened like his teeth, heightened like his senses.

“Yeah, I will be.”

Sam runs his fingers up the soft skin of John’s inner arm. John wants to lean into it, but holds himself still.

It’s almost too much. He closes his eyes. He can feel Sam beside him and the moon in the sky. He needs to stay calm, that’s important.

The mattress shifts as Sam sits down beside him. At first there’s space between them, but it disappears quickly as Sam wraps his arm around John’s waist, inviting him in. When Sam pulls him close he goes easily. The chains clang as he settles to rest his head against Sam’s shoulder. Sam’s heartbeat is so loud. It is so loud in John’s head, and echoed through Sam’s whole body as his blood circulates. All John hears is Sam’s heartbeat and breathing. That’s all he wants to listen too. He could hear most everything in the area if he wanted to, but all he wants to hear is Sam.

“This really isn’t so strange,” Sam says. “Not really.”

“I told you so,” John says.

“Yeah, you did.”

“I didn’t know what I was talking about.”

“Maybe not, but it’s working out.”

John leans to rest his head on Sam’s chest. 

Sam’s heartbeat isn’t the only thing he can hear. He can hear the clock on the mantle, the rattle of the heating system, the thrum of industrial refrigerators downstairs, so many distinct different voices, conversations he could follow if he wanted to. He can hear cars outside, wind speeding through trees and around the buildings. He feels the pull of the moon and hears the sound of breaking glass.

It doesn’t matter.

Everything else fades away as he concentrates on Sam’s heartbeat.

They’re going to be fine.


End file.
